Removing Friction
- David Lozano
- Jan 24, 2021
- 4 min read
I left my life as a U.S. Army Green Beret in 2007 to attend grad school at Duke University, where I met my wife Robin. Upon graduation in 2009, I landed a consulting gig in Houston, Texas. Grad school was a “transition period” for me to say the least, but any fear or discontent with the choice was masked by the excitement and newness of the experience -- and a lot of beer pong! It wasn’t until I was a few months into the new job in Houston that I realized I was not happy. The job and the people were fine; but I wasn’t, and I was starting to get moody. There was a friction that I could not identify and did not even recognize was present. That was all about to change.
Robin told me to go to bed early one Saturday night because she had a surprise for me on Sunday. We got up around 6:00, got some coffee, and headed out on the loop.
“Where are we going?”
“You’ll see.”
At first it was playful and fun. When we started to get out of town, my curiosity peaked. When we got off the highway and started heading down farm roads, I grew a bit concerned as we’d been driving for well over 45 minutes. As grumpy as I’d been, I was convinced she was going to stop, open the door, and say, “You need an attitude adjustment. Start walking, and you’d better have a smile on your face by the time you get back.” And then I saw the parachutes open! She’d bought me a tandem skydive.
I think there are four types of people in this world when it comes to skydiving.
The “nope, I’m good” group are those who will never do it. There is no amount of cajoling, convincing, or bribing you could do. It ain’t happening.
Then there are the bucket listers trying to check off another item.
The next group are fear overcomers. That one’s self-explanatory.
Finally, there are special cases, like me. By the time I was unhooked from the tandem instructor, I was like, “Yep, more please. How do I do this All. The. Time?!”
It took me a few minutes discussing with the person working at manifest --think customer service/sales desk-- that yes, I want to pay for the whole course right now and start immediately. The rest is history.
I was starting to spend more and more time at the dropzone and wanted to see if this might be an activity that Robin and I could do together. I knew that she would never decide to skydive on her own, so I figured I’d give her a nudge and remove some friction from the process. For Christmas that year, I bought her a couple of gifts I knew she wanted and rounded them out with a gift certificate for a tandem skydive. The note I attached to it read, “You never have to use this. If you don’t, I will not consider it wasted money. But now all you have to do is show up.”
A few months later, she made her way out to the dropzone with me. I went to the back to get my gear ready. When I returned to see how she was doing, she had already cashed in her gift certificate and was filling out the liability waivers. I was more nervous for her jump than any I’ve been on before or after. She was paired up with a former Russian military instructor with about 11,000 jumps. My heart was in my throat from the time she boarded the plane until she landed. The jump was uneventful. She came down with a huge smile on her face, and I greeted her with a giant hug thinking we might have found our first couple’s hobby.
“How was it?”
“It was amazing,” she said.
“So you want to do it again?”
“No. Once is enough.”
(Sidenote: Her instructor had a wicked malfunction on the very next jump and had to deploy his reserve parachute. He stopped for the day and understandably started drinking. I am so glad that wasn’t her jump, or I’d still probably be hearing about it!)
Removing friction points in our lives is a great way to make it easier to stay true to our commitments and reach our goals. Laying out your workout clothes the night before, pre-cooking meals for the week, and setting your bills on autopay are some very simple examples. One of the better books I’ve read recently on how to remove friction and build solid habits into your life is “Atomic Habits” by James Clear.
But what if your goals are more complex than just fitting back into that dress, rockin’ less of a dad bod, or making sure that the family has healthy meals more often than not? What if you find yourself like me 12 years ago in Houston not knowing what’s bothering you, what your goals are, or how to figure it all out? One of the friction points to changing your life is setting aside the time to change your life. Another friction point is trying to have these deep level conversations with folks who are directly affected by or have strong opinions for or against you making a change to begin with. A life coach is impartial and cares only about you and your success. They are an independent party and do not report to your spouse, your boss, HR, or your pastor. Employing a life coach helps you remove several friction points by setting aside time and creating accountability. If you commit to making a change in your life, they will push you harder --or pull you back if you’re overextending-- to help you reach your goals.
The “year that must not be named” is over. You made some resolutions, and January is coming to a close. Whether it was a gym membership, new shoes, a bike, or the decision to change careers, don’t lose momentum. I would love to be the one to give you that metaphorical gift certificate, but you’ve still got to decide to get out there and jump!
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